well... it's about 5:30AM friday morning and it sucks to be me a lot. i was supposed to wake up about two hours earlier so that i could finish this essay that normal people finished about a month ago, but no, i had to sleep through my alarm. and yes, i do not understand what it is exactly that i should be doing, because i'm an asshole and i never get to school on time and i miss english class 75% of the time anyway. so i'm sitting here going crosseyed like what the hell reading this other essay that i'm supposed to "critique" and wanting to somehow put it through the wall, until i realize that it's just paper, and it won't go through the wall like i want it to. and if i did, i'd leave a nasty hole. and we all know what happens when kristin leaves holes in the walls... yes, i punched a huge hole into my wall about two months ago and my father just found it and paid to get the stupid thing fixed... well i had to pay for it. "uhh you're lucky you didn't hit a beam, kristin." dammit. i should just go back to sleep, i really should. i'm going to go to school without this thing, again, and have my teacher and my administrator yell at me, again, and feel like the asshole i am, again, and want to go into a corner and hide, again. but who am i to complain? i did this to myself. i dug myself into this hole, and i can't really find a way out. any suggestions anyone? because i'm a semi-intelligent kid failing EVERY SINGLE class, minus gym. god i'm a loser.

I guess this is my cry for help. Or.. it would be, if I were that type. Sometimes, I wish I was.



Sometimes, I wish I could just pour out everything that's inside onto someone's lap, so that maybe they could understand that this is me. This is who I am. I'm not perfect, I'm a far cry from even being functional at the moment.



I wish I knew what happened to me. I used to be so happy.



I can't tell you exactly what I'm looking for, but I'll know it when it happens to come along. I want to be breathless and weak, crumpled by the entrance of another person inside my soul. I want to be violated by insight.

I am: a dreamer, a musician, a tennis player, a "drama queen", cynical, mildly comical, temperamental, outgoing, insecure, willing, and loud. I have a "dreamy" smile. I live for music, that which I create and that which is created by others. I find it difficult to trust, and never open myself completely to anyone. I question everything. I am seventeen.



I am without my older sister, my grandparents, and three uncles. All I have is: A mother who cares on extremes, a father who does not understand, a brother stuck in oblivion, Metzee, and a handful of true friends. I love candles and bubble baths. I'm your classic hopeless romantic, without the romance. I believe that I have been in love. I am in love. I don't believe in love. I believe in music. Music never lies, and it never dies.



I have an irrational fear of the dark, styrofoam, and tablecloths. I hate the color purple. I like to sing when I think nobody's around to hear me. I love the way my eyes look while I'm crying. I like to pretend I never cry. I write poetry and study philosophy because I like it, not because it's "trendy". I am a self proclaimed emo girl/punk. I own nothing from Hot Topic. I still want to rule Wallstreet when I grow up. I want to retire before I am 50.



I am addicted to sour candy, and kissing. I write lyrics on yellow notebook paper from my desk, and hide them under my matress. I don't believe in God, I believe in the stars. I wish on shooting stars, and on the coins I throw into the fountian at the mall. I throw in quarters rather than pennies, so that I get twenty five wishes instead of just one. None of them have come true. Yet.



I am happy when I feel like I matter, and I hope to be remembered. And my name is Kristin.

i. am. a. quiz. machine. i. need. male. in. room.

You Are An Intense Kisser!

Deep tounging, nibbling, and locking lips for hours are on your agenda.

You've been known to wear lovers out with your kiss, before getting to anything else on the menu.

And given that you kiss so well... imagine how you do everything else.


What Your Kissing Style Says About You:



When you want something you go for it, and you don't let go until it's yours.

And when you feel, you feel intensely (surprised?). You have a dramatic streak, no doubt.

If you're in a relationship, you don't take anything lightly. And neither should your lover.


Your Personal Kissing Matches and Mismatches:



Hook up with other Intense Kissers to have the experience of a life time. You'll both feel incredible things, both
in your heart and down there! If you are looking for an even more sexual fun, find the nearest Carnal Kisser.
You'll get kissed down there just right.



Stay away from Manic Kissers at all costs. They spread it around a little too much to give you the passion you crave.
And forget about Juicy Kissers as well - they seem a bit too superficial for you.



How Do *You* Kiss?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

and i had this conversation on the phone today, about how i'm the perfect girlfriend, i swear to god... and i took a quiz, because i have been doing these out of boredom, and look at the results! ;)

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You come from the Night Sky. You're drawn to the
stars and planets, and it's no wonder why, you
came from them.


Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget.

What inner color are you?

on legendary

now that we're one now,

softly whispers,

saving grace,

6:19 as i awake,

and stronger than last year,

my eyes closed,

the stars can see me

the stars will meet me on the ground.

(on the ground...)


summer's gone

and winter is never too far now

and my poor arms (my arms are breaking)

outstretched so long that my bones are now breaking

but there...

you come

with a smile that'd send any man to his knees,

and i feel

i've begun now that we're one now.



you graciously add to

i graciously add you to my heart.

(to my heart...)



summer's gone

and winter is never too far now

and my poor arms (my arms are breaking)

outstretched so long that my bones are now breaking

but there...

you come

with a smile that'd send any man to his knees and i feel

i've begun now that we're one now.

...now that we're one now...



monachetti



the paddle's broken

the punishment is served in full

the welts are faded

the pain still lingers as it should

the lone receiver

lone receiver

of empty compliments

taken in and bought in full

the lesson's hammered

the message has been reinforced



you said there would not be any reason to fear this world

but you're the reason

but you're the reason I feel broken

and branded

and burning with doubt



the welts are faded

the pain still lingers as it should



these things are dealt in increments

constant and laced with detriment

how dare you ever feign surprise

when all those fingers point inside

they're piercing you, piercing you



you said there would not be any reason to fear this world

but you're the reason

but you're the reason I feel broken

branded

burning with doubt



these things are dealt in increments

anyone have a spare room, or a basement... a foldout couch, extra space, a laundry room, a closet, anything that i can live in? i cook and clean. i swear. i cook really good chicken and such... i'll watch the kids. i'll dance for you. i'll shine your shoes. i'll play guitar. just anything that doesn't look like this and isn't like 1000 miles away...

... well it is kind of nice, but still, ya know, you won't be there...

"tennis tennis is a sport. you can play it on a court." - gay bethel