OMG. LOL! (Rachel^2 would get it). Anyway, tonight I saw Punchline, Don't Look Down, ANBERLIN, and FALL OUT BOY. The Webster rocks. AAH.

Punchline kind of sucked, save the fat guy with the tamborine. He was great.

Don't Look Down was pretty good live, actually. The lead guitarist was sooo nasty, he blew me away, AND he looked exactly like Pat Morris (what's up buddy?!). The resemblence was uncanny. Rach saw it too. I swear.

Anberlin was definitely amazing. They played pretty much everything I wanted to hear, except for "Cadence", but I'll live. They were really incredible though, everything I expected. I love "Change the World". Such a great fucking song.

Fall Out Boy = AWESOME live act. Anybody that likes the genre should definitely pick up their CD and totally rock out to them. If you have the chance to see them live, please do. Their new stuff sounds incredible, I can't wait to pick up that CD. WAYYY too many 13 year old "cry me a river" girls and their whiny emo boyfriends present, but that's alright. I was all the way up front so I could ignore them. Stole their guitar technician's sunglasses. He looked like William Hung. Crazy stuff. The bassist was rocking out so hardcore with the audience and totally feeling us. The whole band was really, but this guy was just insane, doing flips and shit. Loved him. Sounded great live, I don't think I've rocked out so hard in such a long time at a concert. I mean, I even did the jumping thing. Crazy.

Overall, the concert was more than I expected, which is always good. Picked up two shirts and two CD's, Anberlin's autographs.. good night. Also, considering I was a moron and wore sandals, everything worked out real well. No broken toes. Yay. Can't wait to hit the concert scene all summer, it'll be great. Berg is at Bonaroo right now, so I hope he's having an awesome time. I wish I was there, that's for sure. Hopefully I'll get tickets to Phish Fest or the Vibes, either or. I need a festival big time.

Anyway, just felt like writing some before I went to bed. I am BEYOND beat. I really need the rest. So I think I'm going to crash for all of tomorrow now. Sweet Dreams, and rock on.

Last night was ridiculous. And surreal. And what the hell. A bunch of alpies and smart kids. Crazy shit. Anywho, Andy and I kick WAY too much ass at beirut, and I think we can take Jesus on if he wanted to play. Had to be like, 20 games in a row we won. We owned that shit. That's all.

Prom was last Friday. It was quite good, everything that I could have hoped it to be. Mike looked absolutely amazing, and everything was so perfect with him, really. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better time. Lots of dancing and good food = yay. Joey kept calling me Krispin. I think that's the funniest name ever. Everybody looked really great that I know, and overall I think that everyone had a really good time. Post Prom went really well also. I mean, it was my third time going, but I still had a good time because it was my Post Prom, not somebody else's. Regardless, I still think that the others were better in the past, but that's alright, I'm still happy about it.

As for Prom weekend, it got all fucked up due to stupid drama. It's amazing how EVERY fight between two girls that are friends is over a guy. ALWAYS the case. But I mean, whatever makes you happy, right? I just don't want to hear about it anymore. Back to the story, I was supposed to go to Six Flags but it just didn't work out. I really had no money for it, and I went to bed around 8AM in the morning anyway. I wasn't in the mood to have to deal with certain people, either.

On a positive note, Mike and I had the gnome heist of the century, with three stolen in one night. Oh baby. Afterwards we went to the diner with my Lil Sis and Scott. I like chicken soup and chocolate milk. Everybody should.

Regardless of our Prom weekend plans not working out or being anything to begin with for that matter, I still had a good time. Partied quite a bit, the rest was spent with Mike, and as always, that is amazing. The neighbors were over on Sunday and everybody was WASTED and drinking martinis. My father picked up a flamingo-shaped yard glass and told me he could make a bong out of it and giggled for about 10 minutes. One of the greatest moments ever.

As for school, same stuff. More or less doing NOTHING in all of my classes except for waste time and sweat and feel gross. And Stats final. Piece of garbage. I did fine on it, though. So far, at least.

Everything is coming to a close and it's all so surreal. I have anticipation issues. Most people get excited for things in advance and can count down and all of that.. I really just can't. I don't get excited until the day of for pretty much everything. That is, except for graduating. The count down is now at 13 days and I'm going insane. I really cannot wait to get out of high school and start everything over again.

I suppose there will be some people I'll miss, and maybe I'm just saying that now. Honestly though, I think I can count on one, maybe two hands how many people I am going to truly miss. Says a lot for the people I know. But that's really just in the senior class anyway. I don't think I'll be one to miss, either. But who knows, we'll see.

Enough of that. Luncheon with the bank tomorrow, and senior picnic on Friday. Hell yes. I'm so ready to leave. Soooo ready.

I'm going to go now though, just felt like updating this thing. I'm off to either Deena's or to see Fallon or play tennis. Randomness. We'll see.

Float on!

Rather than a long and overdue post, here's the short one.

Tennis ended. Forever. Unless I play in college. Pshh. Last match, lost to EO Smith in States. Bastards. It sucked.

Been hanging out with everybody. It rocks. Mike's home. That rocks a hell of a lot. I've missed him. :)

Got a job working at an attorney's office. Go me.

Graduation in 19 days. What what?!

Prom TOMORROW. Jesus. I'm starting to get really excited. It'll be awesome, I hope.

I've been writing a lot. I'll post it some time.

Prom is TOMORROW. Aaaaah.

Mmm.. Rush is awesome.

My parents were gone for a week. Partied every day.

Memorial Day weekend is a blur. Ohhh fun fun in the Valley! Champ of the table, by the way. And I hunted moths.

Cops are stupid.

Hung out with Deena/Dgasm. She rocks. Missed that girl.

Anyway, there was probably a lot more, but I forget a lot of things all of the time. Write more later. PROM IS TOMORROW. Aaaah!!!

I forgot to tell you all that I went to the Yankees game last Saturday and it was so much fuckin' fun. I got to sit behind home plate like, 20 rows back. Oh man. I'm such a Valley girl, right Kyle? haha. Thanks for taking me. :)

Oh, and I LOVE RYAN CABRERA. Yeah, I said it. He's amazing.

One last post before I retire for the night.

The past few weeks have been so incredibly amazingly fun. Honestly. And I couldn't have done it without any of you, and you know who all of you are. Thanks for making my senior year kick so much ass.

As for today, well, today sucked this morning. I had to go through a whole bunch of meetings and ended up missing classes I needed to be in. On top of that, had a MAJOR fight with mom on the homefront for a good two hours. I couldn't stand it.

Thank God for seeing Maris 4th period and automatically laughing. And seeing Dez after and automatically laughing at that as well. You two are the best haha. We know how to have fun. Sometimes. Haha.

Apocolypse Now is a really trippy/interesting movie. It's so awesome to actually like some of the things they make us watch in class from time to time. The Roberts/Daniels combination is truly classic. And remember kids, don't do drugs, drink milk and/or ginger ale. Daniels rocks my world.

Today was our last tennis match of the regular season, so I guess you'd call it our Senior night. The girls made us signs and got balloons and flowers, it was really nice of them. We totally kicked Stratford High's ass. 7-0. Woot! Which means 8-6 for the team, which means we had the best season since I started with the program. I'm so proud of everybody and all the effort they put forth, I'm just sad it's going to end soon. Wait, nevermind, because we qualified for STATES!!! =)

Just had to be giddy and gay like that. My fault.

I desperately need sleep. Honestly. I really want to skip school and sleep in tomorrow, but I doubt that's going to happen. God dammit. It's like punishment I tells ya. Oh well.

It's been a while since I've done this it seems.

Speaking of which, filled two voids in my life tonight.
#1 I spoke with Dan whom I haven't heard from in what seems like ages and it was refreshing to experience that sharp wit of his. One of the few people in the world that actually make me "LOL".
#2 Spoke with Deena whom I haven't spoken to in seriously forever. We need to catch up some more, she's a good kid. We used to be tighter than like.. uhm.. a lid.. or some shit. But you get me. Just float on kiddo, you know what I mean.

Oh and Mike, good luck on your first exam tomorrow! I know you'll kick its ass ;) and don't forget to quit with the hat for the next two weeks - Nancy's orders, and you know what she says goes haha. I love you babe, can't wait to see you!

That's it! Gayda OUT! (horrible)

Comment on what you think about this:

SOMETIMES I LISTEN
4AM. Bed : yes - Sleep : feasible:/

And there they are - all of them like buzzards on the ceiling mud resting for conversation and planning to scavenge - dancing with feelers. First 2. Then 5. Next 8. Finally - 15 of these legged probers probing about each other on this nicotine ceiling. And I swear they dance like ballerinas. They are just above me - talking to one another through antennae. Like satellites. Satellites and ballerinas. And it has taken humans one long forever to fully manipulate - to use - this satellite technology. These little fucks had it all along. And some of them carry egg-casings that protrude from underneath their abdomens. Some of them are suspending around a crowd of more popular satellites. Some are suspending all alone in the corners of these four walls. While the rest flash each other with gentle molestation. Even the ones in the corner talk, though, they talk to themselves. Every corner has a loner, I think. I hope there's a corner for me.

Wondering what they talk about. Imagine it to be interesting - hush-hush - since they only gather in the dark when they feel no one is mobile. Plus. This IS a ceiling and they must see me eyeing them. Why not the alarm clock or the medicine cabinet? Secluded with other electronic bugs. Why so welcoming - open? Why so much within the range of killers : sprays, motels, swatters, fingers, hands, newspapers, people-life? Spiders deserve to die these days. Die spiders.

They communicate. Style and grace they are. Some jazz singer on the balcony with 6 legs singing a song about harmony - about herpes - about something. Some thing. Yes, they still move with grace. Grace like the naked lady with feelers punching out of her head feeding the best of portraits right into the spines of her students. They must know I am watching. Forcing myself to try and listen to them over the gurgle of my beer throat. Tapping. Probing. Searching. For another brown - another casing - another abdomen - another satellite - another room like mine.

Never get bored wondering what it is they converse. Communication all their own. All their own. Stabbing little radars where ever needed. Make a happy home for now. A happy one, I said. Imagine that.

tap. Tap tap. TapTap. TAP.

Get up. Walk through the semi-dark for my Evan Williams. Freezer. Chilled. Mmm. Then I stub my toe on the back seat of a 1990 Suburban. It is my new couch / got it last week. I forgot about it. The best couch known to nobody but me. And I trip over it.

So - once again I am managing to stay up until early morning while dissecting my liver cell for cell - and then it happens! IHEARTHEM!:

Taking back to my bed I realize that they have opened up to me. These funky transmissions. Raw source that I am now peeling away at. They have seen my willingness to LISTEN - understand creatures of plague and disgust. I also realize this : There are no sentences. No words. No grammar. No punctuation. NO RULES! Nothing more than a signal traveling faster and faster and faster and fuck....BEAUTIFUL FUCKING CREATURES waving frequencies from a feeler with no law of language. Even as a writer I find it very hard to interpret what it is they say onto paper. But I will do my best. Now :

leff ovurs chylld bawks
krums n radiashun q-bickle
peepull def keel toretour
feal thae
goe darc
n kracks
gathur

And then they leave my ceiling and I feel all alone again. I would - normally - enjoy my loneliness, but these are not people. People are bothersome and hard to please - never them.

So - I get up.

I stuff all of my old food - still rotting on the counter - into the fridge. I pick apart crumbs from these rotting morsels and toss them into the microwave. I take all of the poisons I own and toss them into the freezer - to chill for later liver contractions. I cut off the small bulb over the stove and begin to make even more cracks all along the walls. I lie down again - kill that bottle - now warm. And I manage to rest. I sleep good knowing that I may make them smile. Do they smile? It is a crazy food chain.

In the morning I wonder if they knew that I was listening. If they had allowed me to eavesdrop on them, and if they control who or what decyphers these transmissions. Wonder if they were thankful. Wonder if their brains are too small to be thankful - but I doubt that. I wonder if they look at people in a new light - or if we are still considered the most vicious of enemies. And now - at least - I understand something I never have before.

I grab a beer. And then I kill a spider - splatdead.

Soon in sometime,
somewhere, next month, next dream -
next time I hear my spleen talk-tongue yellow,
his still scream-spitting the p(l)ayback boyfriend
answering machine (brunette damn
clean) he was, he was there...

or I'm asleep with a handgun, a cigarette
burning on a single sheet from Rescue Mission,
or an elbow on my insides, aside from you,
aside from the rest,
there just won't be
no time (at all) left to
« rewind «
what I have become. =

Nothing (at all)

No more room for these photocopy bodies to lie
still, to die and to lump themselves (xerox) in piles
around Our backyards to burn. The backs of our minds
are full of them. They are photographs, and then somethey
run in circles. And then somethey, of course, there is us.
and We don't even work right.

Look,

me and the What will leave again,
so tired and tried. We are exposed.
We will try to surface again, so as strangers.
Try to meet other strangers and We will both eat
the worst of dollarmart-gross foods and drink
ourselves drunk on the reddest of cheap wines
until We sleep on headaches for 2 days and forget
what it means to wake up and be proud of being up
and awake in a poor town with a trailer and some
tranquilizers.

Look,

how fast We swallow any and every thing...

We are jittery and walking slag
and wishing that We could run faster
and farther from our drinking hands,

then We will sleep again
and We will move again,
and We will readdress
what it means to try
to run away from Our problems.